Best Things to do When Trying to Get Over Your Ex

If you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that this year I experienced the most traumatic breakup in my life thus far—and, I’m 45, so I’ve been through the gamut of breakups. If you’re going through a breakup or have recently gone through one and need advice on how to deal with it and get over you ex—because, maybe, you’re feeling the same kind of excruciating emotional pain I did—you may want to consult the trusty ‘ole Google search on how to do so. But, before you do, let me tell you the most common psychologically and scientifically backed things doctors and scientists recommend you do. *NOTE: I have read, literally, hundreds of articles, studies, and posts about how to get over your ex and/or a breakup or heart-break. The following are the top three things that are 95% always recommended, listed in the order of how frequently they are suggested as the number one thing to do.


Oh, there are so many reasons NOT to contact your ex! Some studies suggest that being in love with someone produces chemicals in your brain that are similiar to what causes someone to be addicted to a drug. When you go through a breakup and experience mood swings, insomnia, crying fits, nausea, etc. it is actually your brain going through withdrawal from these chemicals! According to
According to Dr. Reef Karim, psychiatrist and addiction specialist, physiologically, there is almost no distinction between withdrawal from heroin and withdrawal from the intoxication of infatuation.  The love and drug chemicals are so similiar that ” they massage the same neurochemistry as substance addictions. They hijack the limbic system and take over the dopaminergic response. You get euphoric recall, you get withdrawal (2012,” To further elaborate, research shows that being rejected and/or the loss of love can be likened to going through nicotine, alcohol or narcotic withdrawal–because it causes the neurotransmitter, dopamine, to wash over your brain causing frenzied feelings, desperation, and a whole slew of other nasty things that are synonymous to withdrawal from an addictive substance. Doctors say that you can, literally, crave your ex and because you are also, literally, going through withdrawal, you can relapse and these cravings can occur months after the rejection/breakup or after you’d thought you’ve gotten over them. Soooo…to bring this all back to the point, researchers found that the greater the number of days since rejection, the less activity showed up in the brain area associated with attachment. In the Journal of Neurophysiology, Dr. Fisher writes, ” You’ve got to treat it as an addiction, and get rid of the cards and letters and don’t call or write the person who jilted you. Don’t try to make friends with this person for at least three years ( Fisher, H. Journal of Neurophysiology, 2010).”   

Whiiicchhhh brings me to the second most recommended thing to do:

Get rid of “ex reminders” !!!!!!   

These can be any memento–cards, letters, gifts, clothing that belonged to him/her, clothing they bought for you…basically any visual or tangible reminders of your ex. These are all reminders that can trigger strong emotions and memories. Just cleanse your environment of any traces of them. Do it!


Do NOT follow them on Facebook, Instagram, whatever! Don’t pour over friends of friends’ posts looking for them. Don’t look them up, Google them, etc. Just don’t do it. Take their number out of your phone. Exorcise that ghost! If you do any of these things, you are just reinforcing those weird brain addiction chemicals, causing yourself more pain and heartache, and setting yourself up for major emotional trauma. Just pretend they never existed. This brings to me an addendum: An additional piece of advice from professionals comes in at number four, which actually should be one of the top recommendations, because it’s a healthy and productive thing to do. This is make a list of every negative trait, experience, etc. about and with your ex. This helps because when we’re lamenting the loss of our ex, we tend to focus on the fond memories and good times. We often look at these things as what the relationship was really like–when, in reality, our relationship was never all milk and honey.

Many people don’t realize that a large majority of the pain they experience during a break-up has nothing to do with the relationship they really had.
What they mourn for is the relationship they thought they could have had if things had just been different. But the truth is, that relationship didn’t exist. Letting go of a dream can be painful.

Because our mind is trying to heal our heart, the painful memories often get shifted to the background and we find ourselves remembering and longing for the good times. We forget who the person really was and idealize who we wanted them to be. A good strategy for getting past these moments is to simply write down every painful thing you can remember happening during the relationship and read it over to yourself while making the effort to vividly recall those memories until the painful feelings subside.

Psychology Today, 2015
Smell the shit.

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